What is independent surrogacy?
Independent surrogacy is when an agency is not involved in the process. It is sometimes called “private surrogacy,” but within the community, we use the term “Independent” and shorten it to “Indy”.
If you think of an agency like a wedding planner or a general contractor, going independent would be organizing a wedding or remodeling your house by working directly with the vendors. It’s a much more hands-on process with the main trade-off of cost savings. Beyond the price tag, there are other reasons people choose to forgo agencies.
The problem with agencies
The main problem with surrogacy agencies is that they are not regulated. Agencies are not held to a set of basic standards or guidelines, so their quality, and your experience with them, can vary widely from agency to agency. A new agency, run by someone with little experience, can pop up, and once you sign their contract and pay the hefty fee, you are stuck with them. A great agency, however, can be beneficial and offer outstanding support. If you choose to use an agency, make sure you pick an excellent one.
Here is why surrogacy agencies can be problematic:
Unnecessary services
Agencies can tack on unnecessary services, which are expensive for intended parents and not always helpful for surrogates. For example, an agency may require prepaid monthly therapy sessions conducted by an in-house counselor or online surrogate support groups. Intended parents will have to pay for these services even if their surrogate doesn’t use them.
Extraneous tasks
An agency can help with booking appointments at the monitoring REI center, OBGYN office; they can also find flights, reserve hotels, and book a rental car for a surrogate. While these tasks are helpful, certainly you have scheduled doctors’ appointments and made your own travel arrangements. Surrogacy adds a bit more complexity, but most shouldn’t be able to handle these tasks independently.
Middleman
Adding an intermediary in a relationship can break the chain of communication. An agency’s job is to help with communication, especially for difficult conversations and awkward topics. But think of the broken telephone game. Sometimes adding a step leads to misunderstanding, and it can be quicker to communicate directly.
Restrictions on surrogates
As a surrogate, an agency can restrict who you can work with once you sign-up. After signing, even if you realize you no longer like the agency, you may be contracted to stick with them and not change to a different agency for 6-12 months. You can be obligated to an agency even after a successful journey. Your contract may state that if you are doing a sibling journey, you must stay with the agency. If an agency offers such an excellent service, they shouldn’t need to use gold handcuffs.
Absenteeism
The two main reasons to sign with an agency are to assist with matching and ongoing support. Some agencies really miss that second part and leave you as a surrogate or intended parent to fend for yourselves. These agencies provide little guidance or have poor communication after the match. So basically, you would have signed with an agency, but you have to go through the process on your own.
Not respecting wishes
Surrogates and intended parents must align on their matching points to have a smooth journey. Some agencies may try to convince you to change your stance on pregnancy termination/abortion, the number of embryos to transfer, vaccination, etc. An agency shouldn’t pressure you into changing important convictions for the sack of a match.
What are the benefits of independent journeys?
- Matching is more authentic because it happens over a series of conversations at your own pace. You don’t have to decide to move forward after one video call.
- You have more control and freedom over your match terms because you aren’t influenced or constrained by the agency.
- You get to work together as a team, speak to each other directly and develop a close relationship.
- Since there is no intermediary, you can work quickly and efficiently as long as you prepare and understand the steps.
- Independent journeys allow intended parents to save on agency fees.
- You may have an easier time matching locally by networking and searching for a match within regional groups.
What are the drawbacks of independent journeys?
- You won’t have an agency to be a mediator to help diffuse heated situations and step in during misunderstandings. Your attorneys can be helpful with enforcing your contract, but things can get acrimonious when attorneys get involved.
- You will need to be comfortable speaking about uncomfortable topics, such as money, and be able to advocate for yourself.
- Independent journeys are more work for you. Agencies work behind the scenes to complete items on the checklist on your behalf. Without an agency, you have to keep on top of it yourself.
- You have to search for, weed out, and qualify a match for yourself. You may have to entertain several potentials before finding the best match.
- If a match doesn’t work out, you’re starting back from square one. As an intended parent, that means paying the cost of screening a potential surrogate again. Some agencies will rematch free of charge; if you work independently, you miss out on this benefit.
Surrogacy and agencies seem to go hand in hand, but agencies can be problematic. Agencies are not regulated, so you aren’t guaranteed a good experience even after paying $10,000 – $30,000+ in agency fees. Some agencies are financially predatory to intended parents and pressure surrogates about matching points. Independent journeys can be the answer to avoiding these agency practices.
