Are you less deserving of a surrogate because you didn’t experience loss and tragedy? Many people indeed turn to surrogacy after years of failed fertility and IVF cycles. They may have experienced miscarriage after miscarriage, and having someone else carry their pregnancy seems to be the only viable option. Other intended parents could become pregnant easily, but their pregnancy ended in tragedy. Personally, I came to surrogacy following loss and tragedy. I suffered a uterine rupture when I was 22 weeks pregnant, and unfortunately, our daughter was too little to save. These heart-wrenching stories are familiar to many in our community, but they are not the only reasons to turn to surrogacy.
What do people use a surrogate for?
People come to surrogacy for a variety of reasons. Everyone’s situation is unique to their story and life situation, but here are some examples of other reasons people may choose to use a surrogate.
Surrogacy for medical conditions that make pregnancy unsafe
Someone in my support group has type 1 diabetes, and while she can become pregnant, her doctors said it would be safer to do surrogacy than carry her own pregnancy.
Surrogacy for medical treatments that aren't safe in pregnancy
Similarly, some women need to take medications that aren’t safe during pregnancy. If they stop treatment for pregnancy, it will risk their health getting worse.
Surrogacy for single men and male couples
A long-time friend of mine has always wanted to be a dad. As a single guy, he is turning to surrogacy to fulfill his dream.
Surrogacy for hysterectomy or uterine issues
Many women come to surrogacy after hysterectomy for cancer treatment or other medical concerns like fibroids. Other women are born without a uterus (MRKH syndrome)
Will a surrogate still want to match with me?
The short answer is “yes.” Just like how intended parents turn to surrogacy for many different reasons, there are several reasons why surrogates feel called to help. Some surrogates strongly desire to help a family that has faced loss and fertility struggles. You may even encounter a surrogate that used IVF or artificial insemination to have her own children! Others come to surrogacy specifically to support LGBTQ family building. Some surrogates have close friends or family who have struggled with cancer or serious medical conditions, and similar stories move them. At the core, surrogates want to help complete a family. There is a surrogate and intended parent match for everyone.
You are not less deserving of a surrogate because you have not faced loss. Surrogacy isn’t only about stories of loss and infertility. Intended parents come to surrogacy to fulfill their dreams of building or expanding their families. While intended parents all have a chapter on surrogacy in their life stories, the preceding pages are very different.
