You’re planning on using a surrogate to grow your dream family. Congratulations! Searching for a surrogate is a big deal and moves you closer to the baby of your dreams. Every surrogacy journey needs a surrogate, but are you truly ready to start looking for one?
Most surrogates are generally eager to begin the process; if they realize you are unprepared, they will look for a better match. Unfortunately, prematurely searching for a surrogate, and not fully understanding the process, could also leave you vulnerable to scammers. Scammers love to prey on those who don’t know the steps and how surrogacy should work. Let’s protect your heart and pocketbook from disappointment. Here are seven essential things to do before you start searching for a surrogate.
Meet with a fertility doctor.
Your fertility doctor will tell you whether or not using a surrogate is a good option. Some people come into surrogacy communities thinking they need a surrogate but haven’t tried IVF, and IVF or another fertility option may be a better way forward than surrogacy.
To find out about your fertility, if you can become pregnant, and if surrogacy is right for you, meet with a fertility specialist. There are vital questions to ask to make the most of this consultation. If surrogacy is your pathway, your fertility doctor will discuss other important details with you, such as their surrogate requirements and if it’s reasonable to use your own eggs or sperm to make embryos.
Make embryos.
There is no surrogacy journey without an embryo, of course! Making embryos is a crucial step, and it can look different for each person. You may be making embryos with your partner or with the help of an egg donor or sperm donor. Either way, this phase can take some time. Sometimes, unfortunately, you may need to do more than one egg retrieval to have viable embryos, even with a donor cycle. If you are doing genetic testing, that will add more time as you wait for results.
Many surrogates are eager to get going immediately and will not wait six months or a year for healthy embryos. Therefore it’s essential to have embryos ready to go for the quickest matching.
Research.
Research is critical before searching for a surrogate.
- Find out which states are most accessible for surrogacy, given your unique situation. Same-sex couples, those using donor egg or sperm, and some other cases, will find certain states to be a better bet. Consult with a knowledgeable reproductive attorney about your circumstances and state laws.
- You’ll want to understand all of the steps in the surrogacy process. Understanding the process is essential whether or not you decide to work with an agency. Knowledge is power, and you want to be well informed to ensure your journey is moving along efficiently.
- Check out the Ultimate Surrogacy Cost Guide; it’s a great free resource for understanding the true price tag of surrogacy.
Make a budget.
A single surrogacy journey can range from $25,000 to $200,000. That means, even on a perfect, altruistic (non-compensated) journey with a friend or family member, you will need to save at least $25,000.
Unfortunately, that price is for a unicorn journey. A typical journey is $80,000 – $120,000. Many variables at play make a journey more expensive, such as having to use an egg donor, and other variables are huge savers, such as not using an agency. The Ultimate Surrogacy Cost Guide will help to lay this out for you.
Once you understand the cost of surrogacy, head over to the interactive Surrogacy Journey Cost Calculator to play around with the numbers. Keep in mind that you will need to have access to your budgeted amount plus a cushion before starting your surrogacy journey.
Decide on agency or independent.
Surrogacy agencies help to pair intended parents and surrogates. They also screen to ensure surrogates meet basic requirements. A great agency will conduct background checks, organize a psychological screening, make travel arrangements, and inform the hospital of the surrogacy delivery. Agencies can be vital in guiding and supporting both surrogates and intended parents throughout the journey.
As with all services, some agencies will exceed your expectations while others leave much to be desired. Agencies can be helpful, but did you know that you actually don’t need an agency to have a successful journey? A journey without an agency is called “independent” or “indy” for short. The surrogacy steps are the same if you go independently. It’s important that you feel confident and comfortable working through the steps. Your fertility office coordinator and your attorney will be your main guides.
Set your ideal timeline.
There is a lot that we don’t have control of when it comes to surrogacy and pregnancy. We don’t know if an embryo transfer will take or how many tries will be needed. Even in the face of uncertainty, you should have an idea of your ideal timeline.
Are you ready to start your journey now?
Do you need an additional six months to save?
Are you comfortable waiting a year for a surrogate who just delivered a baby to be ready?
Potential surrogates will also want to know when you’re ready to start. They will put their lives on hold, delaying vacations and activities while pregnant with your baby. You’ll have an easier time matching if you are ready to start soon.
Outline your personal requirements.
Surrogacy journeys work the best when everyone is on the same page. If you have ideas and expectations of your surrogate, you need to be upfront about these. It’s also a good idea to think about some scenarios ahead of time so you and your surrogate can be on the same page if you find yourself in one of these situations. Here are some personal requirements to think about:
- Specific diets (ie, organic, vegan, kosher)
- Particular vitamins
- Birth setting (home birth, birth center, hospital)
- Birth provider (OBGYN, midwife)
- Hospital NICU level
- Thoughts on termination/abortion
- Vaccine requirements
- Surrogacy friendly insurance
- Surrogate location (anywhere in the US, certain states, within driving distance)
- First-timer or experienced surrogate
- Level of communication with your surrogate (both during and after the journey)
- Who should be in the delivery room
- Surrogate to supply breast milk
If you read through this nodding your head and mentally checking each item off, you are probably ready to start your surrogate search. Good for you; welcome to the matching phase! If you aren’t quite ready, let this list be your guide. Continue to think about how you would like to cúrrate your journey, save, and organize yourself. Once you can check off everything on this list, you will be ready to search for a surrogate. Have the best journey!
