Just like you, we needed a surrogate to help grow our family. At first, we were really motivated to find a surrogate and navigate the journey ourselves – independent surrogacy. But just after we started searching and speaking to different potential surrogates, we had some significant life changes that took our attention and time. So we decided to look for an agency to help do the heavy lifting and take things off our plate. We researched and shortlisted several agencies we thought would be a great fit but hit a snag. Well, really, we hit a boulder – agency waitlists and match times! We found agencies quoting times that made us nauseous, like 12 months to see our first surrogate profile. One agency had a website banner saying, “Wanting a baby in 2 years? It’s time to sign up”, but we wanted a baby NOW! We felt like our lifeline was just yanked away and were left wondering why surrogacy waitlists are so incredibly long.
Like us, you’re probably also wondering why in the world agencies have such long waitlists just to match with a surrogate and get the ball rolling. You’ve likely been trying to have a baby for quite some time, and having to wait even more understandably doesn’t sound like what you want to sign up for. I get it. But if you want to use a surrogacy agency, you’ll be faced with a waitlist, and you deserve to know what they’re all about and how to navigate them. This article will give you some great information to consider when choosing your agency and walk you through 7 reasons why agency waitlists are so long.
What are surrogacy waitlists?
A surrogacy waitlist is the cohort of hopeful intended parents who have signed up with an agency but haven’t been matched with a surrogate yet. As potential surrogates become available, they are shown profiles, and surrogates and intended parents decide whether or not to move forward with meeting each other and seeing if they are, indeed, “a match.” After a successful match, the intended parent is removed from the waitlist.
Why do agencies have surrogacy waitlists?
Many more people want to be parents than there are available surrogates. And since only some surrogates are a good match for an intended parent, an agency has to recruit surrogates that meet the intended parent’s desires. Reputable surrogacy agencies prioritize the quality of a match over sheer speed, so they typically manage waitlists to ensure their matches are suitable for everyone’s needs.
How long are surrogacy agency waitlists?
In general, intended parents can expect to wait anywhere from six months to two years or even more before being matched with a surrogate.
Agencies have a duty to find a good match for intended parents who have already signed up for their program. Because of this, when wait times become long, an agency may pause enrollment and stop taking new intended parent clients until they can match more of the ones they are already working with. This happened to us. An acquaintance gave us a rave review of her surrogacy agency. We filled out their online interest form, and the owner emailed us with the sad news that they had reached capacity and were pausing new enrollment.
But don’t lose heart. There are always success stories of intended parents matching within weeks of signing with an agency, so there is a chance that you get lucky!
With the basics of surrogacy agencies covered, let’s look at 7 reasons why agency waitlists are so long:
1. Not every surrogate meets basic requirements
While many women are willing and want to carry your baby for you, most don’t qualify. Yes, not everyone that wants to be a surrogate can be one. They must meet several minimum requirements showing that they are generally healthy, have a good pregnancy history, and are excellent surrogate candidates.
The number of disqualifications is rising; for example, Hawaii Surrogacy Center’s program acceptance rate over the past ten years was around 30%. After the COVID-19 pandemic, they are reporting less than 10% acceptance rate. They are seeing an increase in women with hypertension, high BMI levels, gestational diabetes, anxiety, and depression. This means fewer women are passing this initial screening step to be your potential surrogate.
2. Surrogates have to be thoroughly screened
Once a potential surrogate has passed the initial check of basic criteria, she must undergo an in-depth screening process. This process is rigorous and designed to ensure that your surrogate is physically healthy, mentally prepared, and capable of carrying a baby to term. She will have medical and psychological evaluations, background checks, and even a home visit at this stage.
This screening process can take several months to complete. The evaluations may find concerns that the surrogate wasn’t aware of, and it could take weeks or months to address so she can move to the next step. Similar to the basic requirements, not all would-be surrogates can meet these strict standards and are disqualified at this stage. Part of your wait as an intended parent could be for a stellar match who is working her way through the screening process.
3. There are more intended parents than willing surrogates
Another reason why surrogacy agency waitlists are so long is that there are more intended parents than willing surrogates. The demand for surrogacy is increasing every year as it’s been shown to be a viable option for family building. The closure of Ukraine as an option for surrogacy coupled with the COVID pandemic, parents who may have considered international options are deciding to stay closer to home.
However, not all women are willing to become surrogates. Surrogacy is a significant emotional and physical commitment, and not all women are willing or able to undertake this journey. As a result, the number of intended parents seeking surrogacy far outweighs the number of willing surrogates, leading to long waitlists.
This leads to surrogates picking the families they want to work with more than intended parents doing the choosing. Surrogates are now viewing 3 or more profiles and looking for a connection or spark before agreeing to have a call or meeting with hopeful parents. The harsh reality is that you may be at the “top” of the waitlist but get passed over by a surrogate interested in working with a different family.
4. The Covid pandemic has worsened the trends
Many surrogacy agencies had to pause or delay their services due to the pandemic. International intended parents also faced locked down, travel restrictions, and uncertainty leading them to delay their surrogacy plans in the US. These dynamics have resulted in an overall backlog of intended parents waiting to start their surrogacy journey.
While emerging from the pandemic has increased the number of intended parents, the opposite is true for surrogates. There has been a sharp decline in the number of willing surrogates.
“an approximately 60 percent decrease in potential surrogates, according to the 10 agencies The New York Times spoke to, along with doubled wait times and significantly higher fees.” https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/02/style/surrogate-shortage-us-pandemic.html
Even among women who were interested in signing up as a surrogate prior to the pandemic, many have not chosen to follow through. By definition, surrogates are mothers themselves. The greater burden of parenting and childcare through the pandemic has left many with their plates already full. Surrogacy would be one more thing to add, requiring significant time and effort. A lot of women didn’t have the bandwidth to add daily injections, clinic appointments, increased communication, and potential travel on top of managing their own family’s needs.
5. Vaccine disagreement complicates surrogacy waitlists
Vaccines have become a hot-button topic and the surrogacy world has not been spared. Most fertility clinics and intended parents follow medical society recommendations and require vaccinated surrogates. Surrogacy is about lowering risks, and Covid infection in pregnancy has been shown to worsen pregnancy outcomes. However, many potential surrogates don’t want to get the vaccine, so there is a mismatch. Vaccinated surrogates are in high demand. Agencies have, on one side, a long list of intended parents waiting for a vaccinated surrogate to meet their clinic’s requirements and, on the other, a pool of unvaccinated surrogates who are harder to match.
6. An agency has to find a surrogate who meets your match criteria
Your match preferences are going to be specific to your needs and situation. Your personality and communication style are also unique. An agency will have to search for a compatible surrogate, which can be quite challenging. For example, you may want a surrogate who lives in your state, shares your values, eats a specific diet, and has a particular occupation. The agency may have some great candidates, but they’re on the other side of the country. You will have to wait while they recruit and screen a local candidate for you. The longer and more complex your match criteria, the longer you should plan to wait for your perfect match.
7. Agencies compete with each other and do not coordinate well
What if your perfect match signs with a different agency? It’s definitely possible that the amazing surrogate who lives in your state, shares your values, eats a specific diet, and has a particular occupation signed on with a different agency. How would you know? Unfortunately, you wouldn’t. Surrogacy agencies are businesses, and they compete with each other for clients. They don’t generally coordinate well with each other, so instead of reaching out to other agencies with your profile, they will first try to recruit their own surrogates. Not sharing information about available surrogates can lead to missed matches and longer waitlists.
What can you do to be matched quicker?
Sitting on a waitlist is very disheartening. Each passing month makes you more and more anxious as your dream baby feels so far away. But you don’t have to passively sit and wait for your number to be called. There are actions that you can take to help cut down the wait. Here are 4 things that you can do to be matched quicker.
- Research and select a reputable surrogacy agency: An excellent surrogacy agency can help you navigate the complex surrogacy process and match with a suitable surrogate more quickly. Look for an agency with experience, a strong reputation, and a transparent matching process.
- Be open to different types of surrogates: Considering a wider age range, different ethnicities, and diverse family structures can open you up to a larger number of surrogates. Your surrogate may come packaged differently than what you initially expected. Your openness may move you closer to that stellar match.
- Consider an independent journey: You don’t need to use an agency to find a match or navigate the process. Sometimes independent surrogacy can be better than using an agency. It is quicker to find your own match by networking with your friends and family or online communities.
- Decide what is a “want” vs a “need”: The more you have listed on your criteria, the harder it will be to find a surrogate match. Try letting go of preferences that aren’t truly needed while making sure not to compromise your morals or safety standards.
How long you will have to anxiously wait for your surrogate match is unknown because of all the factors involved. You can do your best to speed things along, and hopefully luck is also on your side. Make sure to choose a stellar agency (if you decide to use one at all), be open to different types of surrogates, and really pare down criteria. The wait is so stressful, but a great match really is worth the wait.
In conclusion, surrogacy waitlists are so long because surrogates have to be screened, there are more intended parents than willing surrogates, agencies have to find a surrogate who meets your match criteria, and agencies compete with each other and do not coordinate well. While these factors can make the surrogacy journey challenging, if you are patient and persistent can still find an amazing surrogate and fulfill your dreams of starting a family.
